i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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