She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
