is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
