if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
