She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
