I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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