Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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