how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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