Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
