he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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