Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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