My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
