Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
