I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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