i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
