The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
