you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
