Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
