it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
