Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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