Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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