I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I sprained my soul last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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