I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish my penis had a tongue
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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