...so i touched it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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