The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
