ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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