Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
