the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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