my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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