jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
