Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
