So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
