i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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