Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize