There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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