Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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