hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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