My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize