i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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