Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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