Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
