Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
