I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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