i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
