the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drunk is not a location!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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