yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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