so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize