i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
