then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
