I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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