Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
