Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
